A LIFE WITH RAINBOW ♥♥

Timing.

2011-02-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

Finding the person you love is not difficult. But finding the person you love and he/she loves you back isn't that easy.

2011-02-09T02:03:00.000+08:00

I don't want to feel afraid.
I don't want to look at better girls and think that why i'm not like them.
I don't want to feel awkward among people whom i'm not close with.
I don't want to feel that i'm not good enough for anyone.
I don't want to feel negative.
I don't want to feel lousy.
I don't want to feel unattractive.

I am bold.
I love myself, assured & is confident of myself.
I can feel free to be who I am around everyone.
I believe that I'm good enough.
I think positive things.
I feel good.
I am beautiful in my own ways.

2011-01-30T03:27:00.002+08:00

I don't know if there is a u-turn on my feeling towards you. I hope not... because that time, it did not end quite well. You disappeared.

My days will be better!

2011-01-30T02:24:00.002+08:00

I want to be positive & get more stronger this year. emotionally, mentally & spiritually... Heartbreaks, hurts & disappointments, who can i lift it up to other than my heavenly Father.

This morning was a disaster. My heart hurt like mad... All the cold wars with my mum since before my birthday last year and it only got better few days ago. My mum just go mad this morning & had a fight with my brother. My dad came back home when my mum was spilling all her unhappiness and anger on me after my brother left the house. My dad came home and add in to it. The expectations, the thoughts, the words that they had said towards me really hurts. really really hurts... Have i never care about my mum? Have i not help in housework? not often but i really had... and they have never realised... Times when i am washing dishes & washing clothes, they can just walk pass and seems like they didn't see anything. when times im not doing anything, resting at home, they can say i have never done anything at home... How sad...? They can always compare me with those earning big bucks at my age, and said that at the age of 24, i only know how to play... useless... have i been playing? no i didnt...

well, they had much more things...

I want peace in my family. What can i do...? God says, "pray..." I felt that God is telling me this 'Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be open.' All the hurts, i only can lift it up to Him & look to Him...

Next, about a friend... I think we are drifting further from each other... Today, how much have we really talked when we met each other? not really much... almost nothing...

Another friend... Seeing & spending time with you, chatting with you everyday, or almost everyday during those bus rides & train rides has been such a joy. i wonder what is it like to our friendship when such chances has gone. And it's going to end real soon... What kind of friend am i to you? I am kinda afraid that we will go back what we were like before... see each other without a Hi...

2011-01-15T01:02:00.002+08:00

Most of the times, it is through quality time and the time i spent with a person will make me feel that i have got closer with the person... no matter a friend, a stranger, my leader or family member.

I love quality time, i treasure all those quality times especially with the people i love & treasure!
Well, that is my love language!
heeee~

Things do changed...

2011-01-15T00:49:00.002+08:00

When you thought that you can't let go a person who used to be in your life...
When you spent such a long time trying to forget a person...
When everything seems like not going anywhere...
This is when you are trying so hard, everything will just seems difficult.

You just got tokeep trying and keep forgeting.
When things changed after the new year, no more silence, back to friends...
Not a single feeling came back...
This person aren't that important to you anymore...
:)

BYE 2010, HI 2011.

2011-01-01T00:30:00.001+08:00

i guess i gonna start off my post by saying 2010 was not been a great year for me.

There are times that i fell and hurt myself so badly.
There are times that i really doubt myself so much, thinking that im just not good enough.
There are times that my self-esteem went to the lowest.
There are times that i would cry myself to sleep on my bed at night.
There are times that i felt so lonely, no one to pour out my heart to.
There are times that my tears just burst out when i was travelling on trains and buses.
There are times that i would cry when i was on my way walking back home and dry my tears downstair before i stepped into my house.
There are times that i would cry in the toilet when i was bathing.
There are times that i feel so tired that i just wished to sleep for the next 24 hours or never wake up.

Sometimes i did not know what i was being bothered about, it were just all the negtive thoughts came into my mind.
2010 is probably year that i haven't achieved much and i think that it wasn't a fruitful year for me.
I did disappoint many people around me.
My weaknesses that i didn't thought i have for the past 7 years since im saved, all showed up.
All my stubborness, my discipline, my accountability.
That was the first time for the past 7 years, i feel like running away from service and cellgroup.

I felt like i don't want to be at home because no one understands what i want.
I felt like i was always lacking financially.
I doubted a lot on my friendships with my closer friends around me.
I doubted myself, my ability, my talent, how much God have been doing though me.
I stayed in hospital, had surgery, diagnosed with a tumor that was so close to cancerous.
I didn't do well for my exam, out of my expectation.
I felt that i couldn't connect with God.
I felt that i had lost my spiritual life, i was just going through the routine.
I had many cold wars with my mum.

But there are still a few happy things that worth mentioned.
I stepped out and gave my first Bible study to my members. It wasn't a difficult thing, but preaching or teaching is just not my thing. Sometimes when you're really not good at the thing, you just hate doing it.
I led praise & worship in my cellgroup meetings.
My fruits (connect group members) who are so sweet & they had shown their love for me.

Friends that have been staying by my side, helping me through, encouraging me.

Well, all these were the past! I believe for a great year in 2011!!
:))))

I will grow more spiritually!
I will rise up in choir!
I will be more fruitful in my life!
I will have a prosperous soul!
I will be a better connect group leader!
I will be more closer to God!
I will be more closer to my family!
I will Ace for my school results!
I will feel good about myself!
I will have better relationship with my close friends!
I will find my 'best friend'!
.
.
.

YES AMEN!
:D

2010-12-09T03:19:00.003+08:00

A few of the connect group leaders and shalynne, we went to Adora's place to surprise her during her last few minutes of her 21st birthday. In the car, Jiji and Gloria were sharing with me about the message that Pst Phil shared during leaders meeting which I have missed out. Talking about fruitfulness, the vines and the branches. God wants us to be fruitful. If we don't bear fruits, God will cut us out from the branches. Being fruitful in reaching out to souls and abiding in God. I got to confess that this year, I am not really there. This year marks my 7th year in church. I think i fell down this year, hit badly in thoughts, emotions, discipline, life etc. Most of the time I don't really feel like reading the word and pray, I kept feeling burnt out. There were times that I wanted to escape from church. There are only rare times that I feel so in love with God, while most of the time this year, I think I have been walking by myself and not with God. I have been just doing what I am familiar with and mistaken it as fruitfulness in my relationship with God.

This year is a goal-less year. I didn't really set any goals for myself. I didn't even write the goal card at the beginning of the year. But I just persue what I know I want to do in life and set myself goals here and there this year.

For 2011, I really need a change. I guess it's a good idea to sit down somewhere alone before this year ends, thinking about how to be fruitful for God once again in 2011.

2010-12-09T03:18:00.001+08:00

And I still know God is faithful...
:)

What's happening?

2010-12-06T20:46:00.005+08:00

I don't know what's happening or even why did so much things happen this year?

Firstly, heart broken by a friend and never have i take so long to move on. I'm still trying my best not to feel the sink in my heart whenever i see this person around.

Secondly, diagnosed myself with a tumor is something that i have never imagined. No people of around my age has thing like this, why am i the one? The troubles that i have to go through, like financial, surgery, missing out my usual leisure, unable to work... all these are like nightmare. Dishearten and discourage.. fearful that things could get worsened. Suddenly i begin to ask, how can a small flu, headache, fever, or stomache compare to this. I know many people around me care or some just want to be kpo. People who doesnt know willl keep asking things like 'what happen?', 'are you alright?' ... People who knows will keep asking how am I? Im tired of explaining actually.

Thirdly, i failed one of my module. This is only my first year and first semester, the start of my uni life, and im failing... I have been telling myself to work hard & excel for my uni life, but i end up failing a module. The thought of repeating it next semester, the troubles of needing to go for enrolment session again and the money that i got to pay to retake the module again...

All these troubles that i have put myself into... can life be more simpler?

Right now it feels like on the inside im cuddling myself in one corner crying, yet also self-encouraging myself that everything is gonna be well... and on the outside, im potraying my positive and strong side. I'm still carrying my responsibility, somehow half-heartedly. Is it right?

Im feeling afraid upon hearing that my dad's hand is not well today. not an injury and not knowing the source of the pain. This is scary... The support of my life, please don't be down.

Are all these happening because of me? I have not been doing this certain enough...

Like a fool waiting for you

2010-12-06T20:37:00.000+08:00

like the wind,
it came and blew me away.
like the waves,
riding high and crushing over me.

this that i thought i had,
slipped through the webs of my hands.
this that i thought i’ve found,
was lost just as i gained my ground.

what a short period of joy we had,
nonetheless so many that we shared.
no one has ever let me feel this way,
but now you left with no words to be cared.

i would love to see your heart and mind,
to open it from the inside.
to show me what you have been thinking,
revealing your deepest innermost feelings.

but you have shut this door to me,
like a fool i wait in the rain.
feeling the tears of the sky,
flowing down with those from my face.

like a fool i will stand with his grace,
and i shall wait patiently with resilence and grace.
for the moment to come to pass,
where you and i will be together again as one.

2010-12-02T01:49:00.003+08:00

The person who don't even bother about you, who kicked you away just like that, who is so childish & you didnt even mean anything to him... why you still let him stuck in your mind for almost a year? How foolish are you!

2010-11-14T01:13:00.002+08:00

I am totally touched & encouraged by what Pst. Kong preached and i really cried buckets. I guess winter season is what I am going through. Discourages after discourages, bad news after bad news, worries after worries...like school tests results & performance on my exam.

Recently, i just received a really bad news. I am really afraid, really so afraid... while everyone is enjoying, i have to accept this, i cried, i am really afraid. My tears even just burst out when i was travelling in the train & in front of my colleagues. But i have been trying to hide my fears when i'm with everyone, especially people whom i have not told. Even those who knew, i just wanna show that i'm alright? It seems like a dream, this can't be happening to me. Somehow self-esteem has get really low. I really come to the extend asking God why, can i not suffer from this? But if it's His will, let it be upon me.

Psalm 3:5, "weeping last for a night, but joy comes in the morning."

Every season will pass. God bring you to this to let you go through something and prepare you for the next season. God will bring me to spring season soon! I believe!! Just got to keep on trusting in Him and not give up.

:)

2010-11-08T00:24:00.003+08:00

It's just feelings on the inside that somehow it gets down. Some friends that you treasure didnt seem to have you in their heart, in their mind. Friends whom i always treasure, you don't really get a place in their heart. I see the number of encouragements and concerns that i received from the number of people, and i compare mine with the friends who are around me that are getting. Yea, recently i have been comparing myself with my friends. Friends that important to you left you. Even probably i have been busy and my hands got lose holding them, did they really put in the effort to hold me back? How am i in the eyes of others? I want to be more 'I'. I want to be more open to sharing my thoughts, my jokes, my ups & downs. I want to be more open up. Yes, im feeling sad & disappointed because of all these. These are the voice of the devil that makes me feel inadequate. :( Im tired of chasing after people (friendship & relationship), i wish people would chase after me instead.

I got to focus on God and not on people and the world. Because God doesn't disappoint us, but people will. So i really got to focus on Him, focus on His promises. You don't make friends to get popular or see how popular you are, but you are blessed when you have a friend that stands by you through your ups & downs and never leave you.

Hang on to psitive confession!
Got to focus on spiritual stuff!!
:)

2010-10-31T10:18:00.001+08:00

But even when my visions seems blur and heart seems weighed down, I will look back to my God... my HOPE is in Him and Him only. :)

2010-10-31T01:52:00.002+08:00

Where have all my dreams & vision gone?
It's like i want to become this & that, but feeling & thinking that can i really do it?
Dreams seems far & unclear.
My dreams seems unachievable...

Maybe i have neglected on my spiritual life, emotions and thoughts have been attacked. Never have i feel so alone, especially during my exam period. I still smile, i still laugh, i still tell people that i love them, it still serve, i still do everything.. but recently i feel lonely, i wonder which friend is really with me? What if i feel that the close friends that i used to have are better than the friends i have now? Isn' it whenever a friend walks away from you, another better friend will come?

I begin to wonder why some people just get so much encouragement from the people around them. They are always surrounded by a same group of good friends (probably best friends) who never fail to encourage and spend time with one another so frequently. Where are mine? When you wish that the people whom you care will care for you as the same... but no... The best friend that i think is my best frien, really my best friend? because it seems like this person's heart is elsewhere and physically elsewhere too.

Well, too much of my ranting. BYE!
:)

2010-10-12T03:49:00.002+08:00

Sometimes on the outside, you appear that you dont care because you are not supposed to care anymore... but you are still caring and concerning deep down in your heart...

but no point yea?

:)

2010-10-11T03:57:00.002+08:00

I don't know who is reading my blog anymore... lol! blogger has been abandoned by so many people that i no longer can track my readers who are coming from nowhere.

"What you have now, you may lost it the next second. So treasure it with all you can first before it leaves you..."

"This friendship that only lasted 1/2 a year is never the same as any other friendships."

2010-10-09T02:20:00.002+08:00

Putting behind those urge to care, concern and encourage...
because everything doesn't worth it anymore...
:))

2010-10-02T03:02:00.002+08:00

Just before i head to bed sson, i feel like coming back here to write something. Dust has been growing on this blog, not much people have been coming here to read my blog too... I think it'll be nice to be active over here once again.

I think it's rather scary when i think about school. 2 months have past since the semester start, and exam is going to come in 3 weeks time. that's very very fast! just a blink of the eyes, everything's gone & everything's changed. Certan days, i will walk pass this neighbourhood primary school and thought to myself that it feels like it was just yesterday when i was in my primary school uniform, carry the heavy back walking from school to home. I would be 12 years old when i was doing that... and now i'm almost 23 years old.

Recently, this thinking just came to my mind... about friends, about the people we mix with. It's important to choose the right friends to be in your life, people that will stay alongside with you. People who are not just faithful, but spiritual too. Someone who's with you, someone who will walk in the same level of spirituality, someone who is able to bring you higher, someone who won't pull you down. This thought changes my lifestyle. I see the importance of choosing the right activities to do at the right time. I want someone who is my peer, someone whom i can share my life with. This makes me decide that i have to filter out some people & activities from my life. I still love the people, but i just won't choose give most of my time to them. I feel more liberated, i feel happier. I have more time to do the things that i want to do. I feel that these activities will bring me forward. And because of that, i start to have more time alone & i realised how i really enjoy solitude. Of course, i still love all the quality & fun time with many many friends.

Everyday seems to pass so quickly. It's about 6 months already. Things never got better, and probably i have given up most of the hopes already. We are out of each other lives. I'm getting used to the truth that i'm out of your life faster that you are out of my life. Somehow, it always hurt a little everytime when your have those little actions behind to try to force me to push you out of my life. You're succeeding. Our friendships has turned to a thin line which i almost couldn't see anymore. I'm telling myself everyday that do i know you before, and everyday im still questioning myself why does everything become this way. Yea, i have never gone through a day without thinking about all these things. But i'm not sad anymore.

Just like what Dr. AR Bernard had said, 'don't confuse movement with progressing.' I feel that i have been moving too much, but not progressing. I got weary easily. Visions aren't so clear to me. I begin to rearrange my lifestyle, my priority, my life.. do things that i want to do, learn things that i want to learn... i feel that i'm progressing once again. :D

2010-09-08T02:06:00.002+08:00

Everytime i see you, i feel happy & escalated.
It used to be because i miss you & want to see you so much.
But right now, I feel happy when nowadays whenever i see you,
because each time, i realise that i feel even lesser for you.
This definitely makes me happier.
Moved on? Almost there...
:)

Studyyyyyyy....

2010-08-27T03:21:00.003+08:00

When you're working, you wish you were studying.
When you're studying, you wish you were working.
How ironic?!

Anyway i just started school... like right now it'll be 4th week already. I really wish to do so well, in grades & my relationship with my friends there.. although not a lot.. I really want to shine for God, be the head & not the tail! It's 4th week already, im feeling stress now. I got to get into the reality that im not really that fast catching up with the lectures. It's not easy as i've thought. :( econs is killing me! I need to cultivate more discipline & motivate myself to constantly do revision & assignment. play hard + study hard together! Jia you!!

YESSSS!! I can do it!!
:)))

2010-07-20T01:39:00.002+08:00

God always put us through tests. It'll never be ending. When im going to get through this test, another one is being thrown to me to test my heart. But i believe God will never put me through situation that is beyond what i can handle. I'm gonna be stronger. I'm gonna be more bolder. I'm gonna be more spiritual, to go through all these tests...

2010-07-09T13:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i wished i have more.
Sometimes i wished i am more.
Sometimes i wished i can be another person instead.

A person who has more talents, a person who has more endurance, a person who has less fears, a person who just shines whenever he/she goes, a person who is more hardworking, a person who has much more that i have.

The older i grow, the more i have to fight for in life. Isn't life when you're younger is much more simpler & easier?

It's never a good feeling of letting fears & procrastination hold you back.
You try to make that decision not to every single day, yet you are still fearing & procrastinating every single day.

every single day just get by so quickly that you can hardly catch up doing what you having been missing out for the past few years, weeks, days, hours & minutes.

I wish life can just slow down for a while. I wish loving God wholeheartedly & loving feverently can be... much simpler. it'll never be... if not, i'll never breakthrough where i am now...

KEEP ON GOING!!!

2010-07-08T22:27:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i really update this blog! haha! Life has been awesome! Talking about connect group... I love my girls ttm! I just really need to enlarge my capacity to be a leader to them & grow my passion of being a leader. I just feel that i am still not a very good leader. Still couldn't really handle a lot of things. I thank God for my cgl who always believe in everyone of us. Those days that i was really down & tired, she just pull me up & not out.

Bigger capacity, passion & love for God.. greater charisma, stronger inner man is what i really want. I think i have stay stagnant for very long, really need to grow again. I really want breakthrough in what i've been afraid off & those part of me that has been limiting myself to maximise my potential.

Work.. i can't believe i have worked more than a year over at PGPR already! great friends i have known! Finally i will be working until 1 Aug... no more extending of contract, because school is going to start! I just think that God has been good to me in this job. During those earlier days when i just started working here, i really hope to work just right before my school starts. and it's really happening now!!! ok! I must admit even though i wasn't in my best discipline & character there.. not even shining over there. but i thank God for these great colleagues!

Thoughts & emotions are like rollercoaster... There're many things that i choose to keep quiet. mind still thinking everyday & heart feels a lot... but i guess it's better to keep it to myself.

:))))

2010-07-07T17:52:00.003+08:00

with tumblr,twitter,fb,wordpress etc around... i think blogger is losing its user & readership... lol!

LOVE IS A CYCLE

2010-06-22T15:08:00.002+08:00

When you love, you get hurt.
When you get hurt, you hate.
When you hate, you try to forget.
When you try to forget, you start missing.
And when you start missing...
You'll eventually fall in love again.

2010-05-19T01:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when life isn't as smooth, thoughts aren't as pleasant... it's tiring, but you just gotta keep on walking & believing. Negative thoughts upon negative thoughts keep hitting me recently. just plainly too tired... But I will never stop holding on to God, because if i will have no hands to hold on to if i stop holding on to Him. :)

2010-05-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

I think i'm feeling more angry than sad.
All i can say is HEART ATTACK!
hmmm but kinda funny!

2010-04-21T16:11:00.000+08:00

The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

-Vanilla twilight

2010-04-13T10:14:00.000+08:00

I am developing the liking of doing makeup...
not just for myself, but for others also...
:)

jia you!

2010-04-12T01:00:00.000+08:00

Kinda tired... Hope all these will end soon...
JIA YOU!
:)

2010-04-09T09:16:00.002+08:00

I have been spending too much of my time on Tumblr already. This blogger is 6 years old already, and this is only my 1134th post. My tumblr is only what... less than 1/2 year old, and it has 2168 posts already... HAHAHAHA!!! yaaaaa! see how addi :X So i decide to post something here today.

The past 2 weeks have been good and difficult in a certain sense. Good because i have been spending more time to seek God, pray & worship Him. To get to the habit of doing it everyday is still rather not easy, but i think i am in love with His presence once again. I can sense the presence of God once again.

The difficult thing is certain decision that i have to made and God spoke to me to do it. Somewhat, i tend to waver upon that decision, fears also set it. It's harder than i thought. A few times, i was wondering if i have made the correct decision, if it's really from God. but everytime i doubted, assurance would be spoken. I believe it's from God.

Distancing

2010-04-05T01:51:00.001+08:00

1. You want to move on
2. or you're too scared to fall completely with that person.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

2010-04-05T01:39:00.002+08:00

I'm so addicted to this song now... the lyrics, how true is this to many of us...

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
‘Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see
‘Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down
Now I don’t know what to be without you around

And we know it’s never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can’t breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it’s never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can’t breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It’s two a.m., feelin’ like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it’s not easy, easy for me
It’s two a.m., feelin’ like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain’t easy, easy for me

And we know it’s never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can’t breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

Write on my tagboard la!

2010-03-31T16:26:00.001+08:00

I know some people have been faithfully following my blog... PLEASE NAME YOURSELF ON MY TAGBOARD PLSSSSSS!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

Afraid.

2010-03-28T14:50:00.005+08:00

Cuddling up in my bed.
Hugging tight to my pillow.

I hope to tell you that's what i'm struggling.
but i'm not sure.

my mind wants to step out to do it,
but my heart is pondering.
God says i have to do this.
3 lives are in my hands.

Yes, I'm afraid.

2010-03-26T16:37:00.003+08:00

I love my tuesday this week. choir prac & opm, one after another. ok, ya i going to sing for performance choir again! "All creatures of our God and King... bblah blah blah!" we just laughed and laughed during prac. especially the warm up exercise, we were giggling away because got one sexy lady in the midst of us.. wooohooo~ can see her *ahem* while we turn turn turn. LOL!

Next was opm, i really went there with a heart of wanting to receive something. i kept asking God to speak to me & touch me. yea!! i really felt that the whole opm was like for me. every word went into my heart. I cried out for God. God spoke to me, gave me advices and encouraged me.

Psalm 23 - “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

Matthew 6:33 - “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

That day... My best friend woke me up from a big & long sleep. i reached home at 3am and my cousin was there for me to talk to. haaaa!

I know i am rather stuck in this situation as being a cogl, afraid to take the step. i asked God how to continue doing this. God said that just start again from where i am. ok! i know i need to overcome this fear and move on from where i am now. i need to breakthrough in my relationship with my cgl also, get more closer to her. SIGH! I really got to take this small step, so that i can really move on from it and do more bigger things. I must act on it quick, if not i will forget about it and let it just passes me by...

Also, be more fervant in praying and reading the Bible! no matter how tired am i at the end of the day, i must do it. Put God first in my life once again!

Remind myself all these everyday!!!!

Abundant Life Church - First Love

2010-03-18T17:08:00.000+08:00

My highest call, My greatest cause
Is loving you
Your perfect love, has won my heart
Now I am Yours

Your sacrifice demands my life
I will live to honor
Your holy name, the price You paid
So I’ll sing

You’re my first love
You’re my true love
You’re my reason
You are why I breathe
I will give you my devotion
All of me, all of me

You chose the cross
You chose me
Surrendered Your life
You chose me
Though I did not deserve
You chose me

So I choose to love
Just as You chose me
I put You first
As You first loved me
I’ll treasure Your grace
As You died for me

主每当我软弱无力, 你的恩典够我用.

2010-03-18T15:27:00.007+08:00

It's been 2 weeks, i still haven't tell her anything. I still couldn't come to a decision on what is right for now.

On monday i stepped out to the altar call, and i really want to do it. I began to remember how hungry i was for the things of God when i just got saved. A life of consecration and sacrifice. I want to serve Him in His house, even if i got to sacrifice what i want to do outside. This is in my heart.

Right now, i have so much yet to overcome. I have been yearning for the breakthrough which have yet to come. i remember 2 weeks ago i went for a makeup cg. The cgl laid hands on me and prophesied that i'll have the breakthrough this year.

From today onwards, i got to keep reminding myself to really pray and read the word of God, the consecration and sacrifice that i have to make if want to have a more spiritual life. Yearn more of spiritual stuff and put away all distractions... After 6 years, i realise that walking real and right with God aren't really that easy anymore, especially keeping the fire and passion to continue burning. But He is already my life, i never want to give up.

This past week has been difficult... as in making the decision to throw away those thoughts and feelings. Sometimes i really feel like "stabbing" myself for all the thinking going on in my mind and all the awkwardness that has been happening. i am still trying to overcome it... It's not about the person, it's just about me that i must make a decision to stop letting this feeling distract me from my walk with God. I thank my babeeeesss, suee and rubez, who always encourage me and being there for me.. and all my close friends who keep me smiling and laughing... :DDDDD LOVE!

2010-03-14T01:45:00.001+08:00

silly me.
stop thinking and thinking.

2010-03-04T09:28:00.002+08:00

It have been year and months and weeks and days that got me thinking over and over again. I'm getting even more tired already. so tired and afraid.. really so afraid. Sometimes when thoughts and problems come, it just got me crying in my own bed alone.

The church and God that i have been holding on to for more than 6 years. The first 5 years was great. Although there was down times, the faith and fire got me through. I have seen myself grown. But this 1 year after graduation from SOT, everything went down. All the dreams, passion and fire seems to slow down. i keep trying to get it back and holding on to it. Last week, Pst kong just shared about the Holy Spirit and finding back the first love. I was crying out like never before for that love and passion back. I was touched. However the process of getting this first love back, it's not really that easy. SIGH! im still struggling after 1 year. I getting tired and i really feel like running away from all these. But church and God has been my life and everything for the past 6 years that i have nowhere to run to. it's like standing there lost, but you can only stay there because you got nowhere to go to. now i really need a break. yea, just a break... i need more time. i will not give up.

Can someone hold on to my hands and tell me that we will go through this together?

This weekend is rather a good getaway...

2010-02-25T21:05:00.002+08:00

After going 4 days of morning & evening prayer meetings, i really feel recharged. Just as i take the step to connect with God once again, i could feel spiritually revived. After so long, i got to really take greater steps and decisions to get back the hunger, passion, fire and love for God.

Today as i went for evening prayer meeting, pst shared about when we have great boldness for God, we will believe for great things and do great things. I want to believe for breakthroughs in so many areas of my life. Although there are times i really feel down and lost, i still thank God for everything... for saving my life, changing me to be a better person, His love etc etc...!

9 MORE DAYS TO BKK!!!
with suee, ben & nai!!!!!!
super egg-cited can!!!!
I really pray that ben & nai will fly there with a healthy body la!
these 2 men are always sick... zzzzz! esp nai...
flying on saturday evening, coming back on tuesday morning...
:DDDDDDDDD

2010-02-25T00:17:00.002+08:00

Recently, this feeling just gets into me of really taking a break from everything that i really dread doing. so tiring... parents, cg...

the stuff from my parents are just never ending. mum keep on complaining about how bad are my brother, my father and i, complain about money, why her life so hard, we all don't love her. blah blah blah... dad keep on telling me to do this do that, at home i just did nothing. cold war with my mum. it's really tiring to hear all these again and again. i really tried my best to do housework at home. i do my own laundry, iron my brother, father and my own clothes... wash the dishes... stay at home more. but all they say is i never do anything at home. they questioned about my future, people earning big bucks at my age, and what i am doing. seriously...... -.-sometimes i feel like giving up on winning them over and in building a close relationship with them. but i just keep on reminding myself that it does not glorify God at all if i ever give up. who wants to have a bad relationship with our parents. and we won't be happy too. so i just really do my best, and let God do the rest bah! :)

Cg... i just feel so tired from everything... being a connect group leader, follow ups... hasn't been feeling excited of going cgms... i ponder and ponder over and over again. really wanted to let go everything on my hand and take a break. not away from church, but away from all the responsibilities. take time to just love God and connect to Him once again. to get back the love and passion in doing all these things. but couldnt make the decision whether it's right or not. SIGH! tired......

2010-02-07T23:31:00.003+08:00

seriously, so many events coming up which i am so looking forward!!!

as usual tuesday choir prac! i always look forward to choir prac every week!
pedicure & manicure with my babe blythe!
hopefully a gathering with my close choir friends before CNY! nua at somebody's house or sentosa!
CNY!!! hahahaa all the MOOLAHSSSS, steamboat food & gatherings with my relatives!!!
CNY lunch at justin's house!
BKK with love blythe, ben & nai!!!!! ahhhhh 27 more days!!!! funny combi... i wonder what will happen when we are going stay tgt for 4 days too.... lalala~

so far like that la...

i had been through a year of down-ness last year. i didn't guard my heart properly, attacks from the devil came, many things happen, struggle alot emotionally here and there even i could appear fine on the outside. i also dont know how many times i really prayed up and read the bible last year. probably if i remember, i can use my 2 hands to count. This year, i didnt let it start right also... but i really gotta make a decision this year, that i want to move forward and not stay at where i am! pass this stage of testing in my life, and really move forward! become more spiritually and confident! get on with my goal card! i wanna overcome things that have been holding me back!! :DDDDD wanna SMILE from the inside of my heart!!!!!!

Woman

2010-02-02T13:45:00.002+08:00

God’s greatest creation : The Woman.

When God was creating woman, he was working late on the 6th day.

An angel came by and said, ” Why spend so much time on that one? “

And the Lord answered.

Have you seen all this specifications thats has to meet to shape her?

SHE MUST BE WASHABLE BUT NOT MADE OF PLASTIC,HAVE MORE THAN 200 MOVING PART WHICH ALL MUST BE REPLACEABLE AND SHE MUST FUCTION ON ALL KINDS OF FOOD, SHE MUST BE ABLE TO EMBRACE SEVERAL KIDS AT THE SAME TIME, GIVE A HUG THAT CAN HEALM ANY THING FROM BRUISHED KNEE TO BROKEN HEART AND SHE MUST DO ALL THIS WITH ONLY TWO HANDS.

The angel was impressed : How can she do all this with only 2 hands ans asked,

” Impossible! Is this the standard model? ”

“ Its too much work for today, wait til tmr and then complete her “

” I will not, ” Said the Lord.

” I am closer to complete this creation, which will be the favourite of my heart. “

“SHE CARES HERSELF WHEN SICK AND SHE CAN WORK 18 HOURS A DAY”.

The angel came closer and touch the woman and said,

" BUT YOU HAVE MADE HER SO SOFT LORD. "

" She is soft, " said the Lord.

“BUT I HAVE ALSO MADE HER STONG.YOU CAN NOT IMAGINE WHAT SHE CAN ENDURE AND OVER COME.

” Can she think? “
the Angel asked.

THE LORD ANSWERED.

“NOT ONLY CAN SHE THINK,SHE CAREASON AND NEGOTIATE”.

The angel touched the woman’s cheek.
“LORD, IT SEEMS THIS CREATION IS LEAKING! “
“YOU HAVE PUTTED SO MANY BURDEN ON HER”.

“SHE IS NOT LEAKING……..
IT’S A TEAR”
The Lord corrected her.

“WHATS IT FOR ?”
ASKED THE ANGEL.

AND THE LORD SAID.
“TEARS ARE HER WAY OF EXPRESSINGGRIEF, HER DOUBTS,HER LOVE ,HER LONLINESS,HER SUFFERING AND HER PRIDE”.

THIS MADE A BIG IMPERASSION ON THE ANGEL.
“LORD YOU ARE GENIUS”.

“YOU THOUGHT OF EVERY THINGS.THE WOMAN IS INDEED MARVELLOUS!”

INDEED SHE IS!

WOMAN HAS STRENGTHS THAT AMAZES MAN. SHE CAN HANDLE,TROUBLE,AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS,SHE HOLDS HAPPINESS,LOVE AND OPINIONS.

SHE SMILES,WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE SCREAMING,SHE SINGS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE CRYING,CRYS WHEN SHE IS HAPPY AND LAUGHS WHEN SHE IS AFRAID.

SHE FIGHTS FOR WHAT SHE BELIVES IN, STANDS UP AGAINST INJUSTICE,SHE DOES NOT TAKE “NO”FOR AN ANSWER,WHEN SHE SEES SOLUTION.SHE GIVE HERSELF SO HER FAMILY CAN THRIVES,SHE TAKES HER FRIENDS TO THE DOCTORS IF SHE AFRAID
HER LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.

SHE CRIES WHEN HER KID ARE VICTORIUS,SHE IS HAPPY WHE HER FRIENDS DO WELL.SHE GLADS WHEN SHE HEARS OF A BIRTH OR WEDDING.

HER HEART BROKEN WHEN A NEXT OF KIN OR FRIEND DIES BUT SHE FINDS THESTRENGTH TO GET ON WITH LIFE.

SHE KNOWS THAT A KISS AND AHUG CAN HEAL A BROKEN HEART.

2010-01-31T23:04:00.002+08:00

I thank God for the opportunity to lead praise for the past few weeks and yesterday one went well. I pray that i will do even better next round and pray for greater anointing even as i lead worship soon. lead your people to love and experience you. i cannot slack anymore! must pray and read your word even more!

:))))

2010-01-25T17:53:00.004+08:00

How amazing God is! His faithfulness and His love. He's our provider. I really thank Him! There're so many times, He just show miracles in my life in area of finances. This morning my aunt and ask me if i have enough money. seriously i don't really have enough. blessings always just come in on time when i really need it. God always know what we want and need, even sometimes we don't ask.

And times when i feel so down... and do not know what to do about all those situation. He will just turn situations around just like that. when i just really do my best and let God do the rest...

I also thank Him for all the opportunities to lead praise & worship in cgm. The dream of becoming BV and leading p&w. It's good to have this opportunity and start small. Somehow i do feel afraid and think that i am not ready for it. spiritual walk with God hasn't been so good. somehow i feel like pushing this opportunity away. i couldn't believe myself to do it for now, but i will trust God instead. because He's the one that has given it to me. and also like what jovan said yesterday.. leading a praise & worship is really not easy. it's not only about skill, but it involves a lot on our spiritual life. jia you!

Lastly, another good news!!!! My bigger boss extended the work contract of evangeline and i to 30th april for now. safe now! hopefully after that, our contract will be further extended.

I just thank God for everything. every tears and every joy that i have been through. i made a lot of mistakes and i learnt it. Through all these things, i will become better and stronger.

:)

life.

2010-01-22T22:23:00.001+08:00

-from adora's blog.

there’s a thousand things that your patient can teach you. the irony that we are supposed to help them but when in fact we are the ones getting help.we learn about courage and strength from them. about love and the value of time.the tears that stream right out from your eyes. uncontrollable as you blink hard to make it disappear. lots of feelings are welled up inside. trying to learn and also trying to hide.

when it comes, it rips you all apart. it makes you scared. it makes you double question about your life. “what have I done? Have I done enough? Have I done anything fruitful or satisfying?” I look at it and reflect. what i have been missing, the wrong outlook at life. and this is the reason why i choose to do these things.to watch so to learn and value. to do so to help, to bring joy, to ease their pain. that’s why i want to do it. that’s why i want to watch it. that’s why, that’s why its the reason to everything…well almost everything.

life, every minute is borrowed time…and the future is always changing. and the future is the home to our deepest fears and wildest hopes.

My Friend

2010-01-13T10:51:00.001+08:00

For me,
I need to look no more.
I’ve found a friend in you,
a friend to call my own.
And you know,
you can always count on me.

I cannot gurantee I will rush down and be there in an instant.
But this I can assure you,
my thoughts and heart will be with you.
I’ll be there with you the second I can.
Just give me a ring.

Thanks for hearing all my ramblings,
my grumblings and complains.
When no one else knows it,
when others think I’m strong and confident,
when now you know I’m not really there.
But thank YOU for still being my darling friend!

CC. Blythe

2010-01-12T23:56:00.002+08:00

If you think that i am so useless, don’t care about anything, did nothing good at all…
why did you give birth to me at the first place???
The whole week i try to be better, but yet all I get is still scolding.

Scolding for giving you too little money.
Scolding that i don’t love you and care for you and this family at all.
Scolding that i have not contribute to the family.

and all you do is to blame everyone in the family that no one cares for you.
always ask me to tell you what i think, and when i say all you do is angry.
seriously WTH!

2010-01-12T15:33:00.002+08:00

Just got my pay!!!
YAY!
but after minus-ing all the neccessary payments, givings i need to make...
i will left will a few hundred bucks again which are just enough for me to survive for this month.
how to save sia?
:((((

2010-01-06T21:56:00.002+08:00

After work, my colleagues and i went to play badminton together at our working area. there's a badminton court there.. hehehe! it's been a long time since i last played badminton. Came home sweaty and smelly, so i really went for a good bath. scrub from head to toe... my skin is ultra smooth now.

:DDDDDDD

now doing mask.
weeeee~

I am crazy to get thisssss!!!!

2010-01-05T13:17:00.002+08:00

2010-01-03T01:48:00.002+08:00

i just want a place to breathe.
i just want a home that i can rest after a long tired day.
i just want parents who understand.

but every responsibilities, expectations and blames are upon me.
i hate it.

2010-01-02T10:42:00.000+08:00

Spending more of my time at Tumblr now instead of here.
:D

2009-12-30T01:37:00.002+08:00

I am really tired of this kind of thing.
you just made a big fuss again. Last year it was like this, this year it's also like this....
always on my birthday.....
it's like COME ON!!!!
ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
you just sound like what.... selfish....

2009-12-23T13:21:00.002+08:00

yesterday was my zone last opm of the year.
i rushed down after caroling prac and the 2nd session was about to end.
i stood there worshipped and then knelt down, feeling hard to push myself into the atmosphere. The presence of God was strong, MJ was already laying hands, many people were weeping.

The last session when we were reminded about our hunger and appetite for the presense og God. Once again we took time to worship... i doesn't really know what i was thinking... God was here and there in my mind, i couldn't really focus. People started having holy laughter... but this is probably the only time i couldn't... neither weeping nor laughing... heart was heavy but yet don't know about what...was it because i was too tired?

I really do hope to end 2009 well and start 2010 better. This year aren't one of the best years i had. instead, i struggled throughout the year... in heart, emotion, spiritually, mind...... nothing bad really happen, but everything was still a struggle and confused over the reason why am i feeling down. No matter what happen, i know i will continue hold on to God even everything is down... receive more and give even more... :D

Thanksgiving night with SUN!

2009-12-22T14:28:00.002+08:00

The thanksgiving night with SUN was really a blast! A time when all the leaders in our church gather together. We started off with a mass dance when everybody just danced like crazy... haha! The long praise and worship was a awesome, the presence of God so strong... It just reminds me of SOT days that when i worshipped, i'm really worshipping... everybody is so excited and hungry for His presence.

All the performance that night were fantastic. I was so touched by the thanksgiving and testimony sessions, this were when tears began to flow in my eyes. Firstly, i want to say that i am so proud of Rovson who was one of the nominees for one of the awards. All the stories and testimonies that were shared on the stage really touched me. when they were in crisis and low period, how they cried... but they pulled through those dark periods.

The whole thanksgiving session was not just to thank our members and the leaders, but SUN. She's really the insipration for everyone of us. The way she loves her friends and the people around her. How she will always call her friends up in the middle of the night to be there for them and cry with them. How she has been such an impact to the china. Despite so much criticisms on both Pst Kong and Sun, they choose to hold on and have faith in what God called them to do.

It's like during times when my faith and passion has failed me. Sometimes i just feel like let go everything that i been holding on for 6 years. but just like what the BV, Serina had shared "you loses the ability to backslide..." In my earlier years, everything was easier and fresh... im beginning to understand that walking with God is really walking the narrow road... not easy... The days when you know God is testing your heart and letting you wander round and round the wilderness... is even more tougher... but i really never want to let go...

We kneeled down and worship God was the last few moments that night. Tears flowed down in our eyes. We sang this song, Hero by Mariah carey. The lyrics really spoke to my heart. God never failed to speak and encourage me that day.

:DDDDDD

2009-12-21T14:47:00.001+08:00

Birthday coming in 7 more days time!!!

My birthday wishlist....
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
New hp
Itouch
Havaianas black flipflop with the gold metal logo (size 35/36)
Aldo accessories red leather wallet
Full set of Bodyshop makeup brushes

I want to go for movie/singing sessions!!!!

update soon....
:)

Hero

2009-12-21T13:03:00.000+08:00

There's a hero,
If you look inside your heart,
You don't have to be afraid of what you are,
There's an answer,
If you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know will melt away.

And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on,
And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive,
So when you feel like hope is gone,
Look inside you and be strong,
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road,
When you face the world alone,
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold,
You can find love,
If you search within yourself,
And the emptiness you felt will disappear.

Lord knows,
Dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away,
Hold on,
There will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way.

That a hero lies in you.
Ooohh that a hero lies in you.

2009-12-19T01:00:00.003+08:00

it feels like it's another cycle.
again and again...
i start to hate the feeling now.
the hopes and feelings that keep inside of me.
i don't want to miss you but i do.
but nothing is happening when each time you really hope something good will happen.

it really should learn how to lean on God's timing.

how he loves us

2009-12-15T12:53:00.003+08:00

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way…

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

2009-12-15T01:42:00.002+08:00

want to ignore you and not care about anything.
but i really can't.

because i really care.
my heart is still aching for you.
hoping myself that i'm there for you.
please take care.

i want to hear you crap once again.
i want to see your smile.
i want to hear your voice.

2009-12-14T01:50:00.003+08:00

i have no idea when will be the next time i will see you...
i have no idea will be the next time i can talk to you too...
totally no idea.

can i say it again?
but you will never know it...

2009-12-13T00:54:00.003+08:00

i hope that i can talk to you today,
but i really can't and i didn't.
i didn't know what to talk to you.
i can't even smile at you.
and my mind was asking,
why did you even appear today?
i wish i didn't cry yesterday.
:(

i still miss you.

君が居るから

2009-12-12T11:27:00.002+08:00

「泣いたっていいんだよ」君が不意にそう言ってくれたから
なんだか嬉しくて涙じゃなく笑顔がこぼれた
不器用すぎる言葉で君を傷つけてしまった
それでも離れたりしないで今もこうして支えになってくれてるんだ
きっと…

叶えたい願い叶えたい夢
届けたい想いすべて
信じ続ける事が奇跡を呼んで
未来に繋がってゆくよ
ずっとねぇずっと見守っていて欲しい
Dear My Friend

「君なら大丈夫だよ」別れ際にそう言ってくれたから
感じてた孤独がその一言で綺麗になくなった
新しい扉を開くそれは誰でも怖くて不安だらけだけど
背中を押してくれた君を思い出せば力が溢れてくれるからね

素直な気持ちゆずれないもの
正直な言葉すべて
声にして伝えることが出来たなら未来は広がってゆくよ
いつもそういつも心に君が居るから
Dear My Friend

立ち止まっても忘れそうになっても
何度も何度でも前を向いてゆくと誓うよ
見上げた空光が差し込んでいる
君にまた会える日まで

素直な気持ちゆずれないもの
正直な言葉すべて
声にして伝えることが出来たなら未来は広がってゆくよ
願い叶えたい夢
届けたい想いすべて
信じ続ける事が奇跡を呼んで
未来に繋がってゆくよ
ずっとずっと見守っていて欲しい
Dear My Friend...

2009-12-12T01:42:00.003+08:00

ok, i have cried.
i am not going to cry anymore.
:DDDDDD

time to start forgetting about you already.

2009-12-11T16:25:00.002+08:00

I still remember what Pst Meng shared in SOT last year.

He was so tired and went to Pst. Kong if he could go for a break. He thought that Pst Kong would sit him down and counsel him for hours, but Pst Kong did not. Instead he just said this thing to Pst Meng, "if you go, you will never come back."

That's why i will never dare to really let go of everything what's God have been putting in my life all these years... ministry, cg, friends... because i'm afraid that once i let go and break from all these, i will never go back, including God.

There are times i really feel like just rest and rest and rest and not do anything, telling my ldr that i need a break, but i never did. even till now there're still some lost passion... but i just slowly pick up bits and pieces once again to be stronger, a heart that's more ready for God to use.

:)

2009-12-11T14:09:00.001+08:00

I'm kinda SILLY.
yea?
:(

2009-12-11T01:33:00.004+08:00

my pay is in!!!!
Even though it's kinda little because of the bk holiday i went.
but im still happy that i have money now.
:)))

today was having MJ Live Unplugged. It's our zone youth's pre-xmas event... where the youths in our zone get the chance to sing and perform on stage. it was rather a relax and nice time, rather than outreach. enjoyed myself even though there were only me, gerald and sha who were there from our cg.

Anyway i can't wait for the various events that are coming up!!! Birthdaysss after birthdayssss, my birthday, xmas, zone appreciation, cg retreat....

:DDDDDDDDDDDD

i feel so heart pain to see you feeling so down.
how i wish i can be there to cheer you up...
how i wish that every words that i say you will smile...
how i wish we can joke and lame together again...

i really miss you so much.
that every single second,
im thinking of you.
thinking how are you now?

2009-12-10T00:45:00.003+08:00

I kinda miss you.
and you are always not there...

my babe told me not to,
but i still think of you not for anything more.

2009-12-09T15:15:00.002+08:00

i stepped out already.
don't want to get involve in the same kind of thing again.
:D

2009-12-07T00:55:00.003+08:00

i care...
until im totally too tired alrdy...

i don't think i actually need to do it.

2009-12-06T01:16:00.003+08:00

the silence.
it just hurts me.
when i really don't know what else to say.
from that moment on,
i can't help but thinking of you and her.
what has happened?
it scares me...
feel like crying.

because i really love and care for you friend.
but sometimes i feel we are so apart.
despite spending so much time together.
how many times had we shared things heart to heart.

i don't want to be a acquaintance,
but i want to be a good friend.

and it just hurts me even more when i think of this.
i want to care for my every single friends.
i want to know their lives.
yet i feel that im losing all these.
i feel that im losing the love.
people i really care are not sharing things with me.

so tired sometimes,
just wanting to think and care for everyone.
but i want to really care and love the people around me.

God,
fill me with more of Your love,
so that i can show more love to the people around me.

2009-12-04T22:57:00.003+08:00

Okokkk.
Recently have been too lazy and busy to update my blog. I shall just update what's happening this few weeks.
:)

Back from bangkok last week. went there for 5 days, 23rd nov-25th nov! i really enjoy myself loads! i shall just share some interesting things there!

Firstly, i went there with 4 other people. i only know suee one person, the rest were her classmates. They are just fun and crazy people. So glad to know them.

Cecondly, We really love platinum mall so much that we walked in it everyday! hahaha! it was really huge to the extent that we could only finish shopping 2 levels in one day. but for the whole 5 days, we toured the whole mall twice!

Thirdly, i love the food there. spicy!! yummy~~~ hahaha! most of the time we had a heavy breakfast, skip lunch or just grabbed something to eat at the roadside stalls. we had fastfood for a few meals... KFC, A&W, Mac.... :D

Fourthly, we simply love the 7-11 there so much that we visit it every night and day. hahahah! Redbull, vodka, cupnoodles, seaweed chicken, milk were our favourite stuff there!

Yupyup.. i really spent much there. i spent a total of 600 plus over there.... faint! so broke now!
:DDDDDDDDDD but i love bkk!

<3

I have defered my studies in SIM to next intake at august alrdy. probably it's better as i will worry less for my financial status. The problem of working for about half a year already, i still haven't save a single bit of my salary. So i will continue working at NUS PGPR until probably june or july next year. I must learn how to save money and yet but all the things that i want!

Yesterday suee, ben and i went to support jason for his performance at PS. He was playing organ there.. really mesmerise me sia! so niceeeeeee~ first time seeing him play.... :D Then 4 of us went to watch twilight at The cathay. I think is really not nice.... and i couldnt catch the last train home at green line! :( but i enjoyed the fellowship loads!

a feeling that i myself dont get it.
Sometimes trying to deny it,
sometimes it comes strongly,
sometimes it disappear into the air.
you are not the kind of person that i really want.
criteria dont fits.
yet feeling still comes,
how bizzare!
so many around me,
this other person makes my heart melt too.

2009-12-03T00:29:00.000+08:00

傻瓜，我们都一样。。。

2009-12-02T01:57:00.003+08:00

i miss you.

2009-11-29T01:54:00.000+08:00

i am trying to deny that i miss you so much......

2009-11-20T11:17:00.003+08:00

Yesterday me and love beef went to fetch laopa & barney at airport! hahaha! :D misses them esp laopa! :DDD seeing laopa bought back so many things... omg! all in big box and bag! but he bought back things for us.... weeeeee~ i think this is gonna be a nice break....

I can't wait for the bangkok trip with love beef and her friends. Flying off on coming monday... coming back on friday night... i guess i will spend so much money there already!!!

:D

i kinda thinking...

2009-11-18T00:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, i really feel like forsaking everything...... really so tired...

when every step i climb, it's getting harder. I feel stuck, so stuck at this level, and have no idea how to reach for the next step up.

Dreams and visions still in me, yet it just seem so far.

seriously... feel like letting go everything.

But when i think of God's love,
i still hold on to everything, which is HIM.

even though i doubt my love and passion for Him now...

2009-11-16T21:13:00.004+08:00

Sometimes i will really want.......

a warm hand to hold on to me...
a broad shoulder that i can lay my head...
a tight hug that makes me feel warm...
a kiss that makes me go weak...
a smile that can turn my worst day to the best day...
a word that will keep me going...

a MAN that will love me...
(not just a guy or boy)

:)

when when when.....?

2009-11-12T10:25:00.002+08:00

mummy.
can you stop pressing me for money.
i will definitely give you,
but i don't owe you.

don't be so selfish.

2009-11-12T01:21:00.003+08:00

I have never learnt how to defend myself since young.
when my parents scolded me, never could i utter a word.

till now....
i still never learn how to defend for myself.

i really don't want to bother anymore.
hates egoistic and selfish people.

2009-11-12T01:17:00.001+08:00

i just feel like sleeping my life......
ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

2009-11-12T01:17:00.000+08:00

i just feel like sleeping my life......
ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

life's good!

2009-11-10T15:14:00.004+08:00

what makes a fuller life for me?

a heart that is full of love.
a spirit that is full of life of God.
a life that is full of discipline.
a soul that is full of boldness and confidence.
a voice that is so alluring.
a body that is so beautiful and slim.
a smile that is so wide and genuine.
a mind that is full of divine wisdom and knowledge.
a personality that is so attractive.
a dream that is thrown by God and i caught it.
a day that is so fun.
a pocket that is so fill with abundance of money.

i really do hope for my parents to be richer!
although i know my Daddy God owns all the richest and glory of the whole universe.

It's all up to me to grab all these things!!!!

2009-11-09T01:31:00.002+08:00

i was really smiling all i could.
i was really jumping as excitedly as the rest.
i was grooving all i know how.

at least this was what in my heart...
i thought...

i know not 100%.

*sigh sigh*

JIA YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
be better!!!!
:DDDDDDDDDDD

Anyway, i had a great day today with justin laopa, dequan, nai, sk, james, jiexiang, joseph choo, aaron, suee and rubez.. at quan's place!!! Overdose of mac!!! HEHE! and the moments we laughed until we cry.. worship and praise God in the small and cozy room! :DDDDDDDD LOVE!

2009-11-03T16:31:00.001+08:00

Very often the fear that has been gripping on to us comes from the environment we have been living in and the experiences we go through since young... from where... our family, our parents...

2009-11-02T07:30:00.002+08:00

last night,
terrible feeling..
is what i can say...

so many thoughts running through my mind.
Devil brought back all my past disappointments and hurts to hit me just for one event yesterday, trying to put me down.
i was afraid.
cried.
this is what the stupid devil will do.

i really need to get into the habit and discipline to pray.
always turn towards my daddy God.

woke up in the morning,
it just don't bother me anymore.
expectations of myself and to others are not there anymore.

i was being there, merely giving to the extent i was able to give.
i didn't do much.

continue to give and love.
not expecting what would be returned by man.
because God knows and has seen the heart.

:))))

sorethroat now.
hope it doesn't go worse...

2009-11-01T23:18:00.004+08:00

when in the end you don't hear anything.......
probably i really didn't do anything......

:)

through all the disappointments and fears,
never forget to continue smiling while still climbing back.
maybe once in a while behind the scenes,
nobody is around,
tears still fall.

You can't have everyone as your good friends.
this is what i heard and learnt.

JS - Officially Missing You

2009-10-29T13:27:00.002+08:00

2009-10-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

God, help me to take away all my insecurities and fears.

So many dilemas in my head now.
I just need to go and pray......

CG or MATRIMONY?
WORK or STUDY?

haaaaaaaa!!! oh man!
PRAY PRAY!

2009-10-21T01:00:00.003+08:00

when this part of your life falls, everything follows.
one after another.
struggles after struggles.
it does really hurts loadss.
to the point that i don't even want to mention.
but i really don't want to give up.
i want to remember those words and moments.
:)

my eyes, time to shift it back.

2009-10-21T00:25:00.002+08:00

I didn't get through JAMS BV audition.
sad, of course.
but yet i can really accept it.
because i really understand the situation i'm in.
nevertheless, i willing to keep trying and improving!
:D

2009-10-20T00:49:00.001+08:00

Job 23:10
But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

2009-10-19T00:29:00.002+08:00

when outside of you, you will find yourself smiling.
but inside of you, every part of it just feels terrible.
this smile won't look great at all.

have been trying to improve.
thought that i have.
but the freshs look better.

when every part of me doesn't feel comfortable at all.
have been telling myself to do things even i feel don't like it.
yet i am seen to be in a comfort zone by others.
like what's happening?

everytime i take the step forward,
it's still the same ground.
i really want to cross over to a new piece of ground.

Job 23:10
But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

2009-10-17T00:15:00.002+08:00

accept what i doesn't have.
multiply what i have in my hands.
i'm still learning and trying to...

it just don't feel good.

2009-10-12T02:24:00.004+08:00

Came back from barney's 21st bday celebration!
we ate at watami and after that TCC...
Had a wonderful time!
:)

I was chatting with a friend just now over on msn about choir and bv.
I doesn't really know him much, but he just inspired me with his own determination.
I just enjoy chatting with him.

We will keep on going for our dreams, no matter how much critisicms we would get. Never give up. Keep on believing and improving!

He just reminded me again this sentence that was shared to the choir by our ICs months ago.
Between the floor of congregration and the stage, there is this big gap... No man can go through it and be on the stage unless God put you there...
God, i am really thankful!
:DDDDDDDDDD

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i really want to know the result of the JAMS church BV audition la.... It's 3 weeks alrdy! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2009-09-29T23:39:00.001+08:00

i think i didn't owe you anything......
so why you just keep giving me this kind of face...
:(