Wednesday, December 30, 2009.

I am really tired of this kind of thing.
you just made a big fuss again. Last year it was like this, this year it's also like this....
always on my birthday.....
it's like COME ON!!!!
ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
you just sound like what.... selfish....

{ 1:37:00 AM }

Wednesday, December 23, 2009.

yesterday was my zone last opm of the year.
i rushed down after caroling prac and the 2nd session was about to end.
i stood there worshipped and then knelt down, feeling hard to push myself into the atmosphere. The presence of God was strong, MJ was already laying hands, many people were weeping.

The last session when we were reminded about our hunger and appetite for the presense og God. Once again we took time to worship... i doesn't really know what i was thinking... God was here and there in my mind, i couldn't really focus. People started having holy laughter... but this is probably the only time i couldn't... neither weeping nor laughing... heart was heavy but yet don't know about what...was it because i was too tired?

I really do hope to end 2009 well and start 2010 better. This year aren't one of the best years i had. instead, i struggled throughout the year... in heart, emotion, spiritually, mind...... nothing bad really happen, but everything was still a struggle and confused over the reason why am i feeling down. No matter what happen, i know i will continue hold on to God even everything is down... receive more and give even more... :D

{ 1:21:00 PM }

Tuesday, December 22, 2009.

Thanksgiving night with SUN!

The thanksgiving night with SUN was really a blast! A time when all the leaders in our church gather together. We started off with a mass dance when everybody just danced like crazy... haha! The long praise and worship was a awesome, the presence of God so strong... It just reminds me of SOT days that when i worshipped, i'm really worshipping... everybody is so excited and hungry for His presence.

All the performance that night were fantastic. I was so touched by the thanksgiving and testimony sessions, this were when tears began to flow in my eyes. Firstly, i want to say that i am so proud of Rovson who was one of the nominees for one of the awards. All the stories and testimonies that were shared on the stage really touched me. when they were in crisis and low period, how they cried... but they pulled through those dark periods.

The whole thanksgiving session was not just to thank our members and the leaders, but SUN. She's really the insipration for everyone of us. The way she loves her friends and the people around her. How she will always call her friends up in the middle of the night to be there for them and cry with them. How she has been such an impact to the china. Despite so much criticisms on both Pst Kong and Sun, they choose to hold on and have faith in what God called them to do.

It's like during times when my faith and passion has failed me. Sometimes i just feel like let go everything that i been holding on for 6 years. but just like what the BV, Serina had shared "you loses the ability to backslide..." In my earlier years, everything was easier and fresh... im beginning to understand that walking with God is really walking the narrow road... not easy... The days when you know God is testing your heart and letting you wander round and round the wilderness... is even more tougher... but i really never want to let go...

We kneeled down and worship God was the last few moments that night. Tears flowed down in our eyes. We sang this song, Hero by Mariah carey. The lyrics really spoke to my heart. God never failed to speak and encourage me that day.

:DDDDDD

{ 2:28:00 PM }

Monday, December 21, 2009.

Birthday coming in 7 more days time!!!

My birthday wishlist....
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
New hp
Itouch
Havaianas black flipflop with the gold metal logo (size 35/36)
Aldo accessories red leather wallet
Full set of Bodyshop makeup brushes

I want to go for movie/singing sessions!!!!

update soon....
:)

{ 2:47:00 PM }

Hero

There's a hero,
If you look inside your heart,
You don't have to be afraid of what you are,
There's an answer,
If you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know will melt away.

And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on,
And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive,
So when you feel like hope is gone,
Look inside you and be strong,
And you'll finally see the truth that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road,
When you face the world alone,
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold,
You can find love,
If you search within yourself,
And the emptiness you felt will disappear.

Lord knows,
Dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away,
Hold on,
There will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way.

That a hero lies in you.
Ooohh that a hero lies in you.

{ 1:03:00 PM }

Saturday, December 19, 2009.

it feels like it's another cycle.
again and again...
i start to hate the feeling now.
the hopes and feelings that keep inside of me.
i don't want to miss you but i do.
but nothing is happening when each time you really hope something good will happen.

it really should learn how to lean on God's timing.

{ 1:00:00 AM }

Tuesday, December 15, 2009.

how he loves us

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way…

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

{ 12:53:00 PM }

want to ignore you and not care about anything.
but i really can't.

because i really care.
my heart is still aching for you.
hoping myself that i'm there for you.
please take care.

i want to hear you crap once again.
i want to see your smile.
i want to hear your voice.

{ 1:42:00 AM }

Monday, December 14, 2009.

i have no idea when will be the next time i will see you...
i have no idea will be the next time i can talk to you too...
totally no idea.

can i say it again?
but you will never know it...

{ 1:50:00 AM }

Sunday, December 13, 2009.

i hope that i can talk to you today,
but i really can't and i didn't.
i didn't know what to talk to you.
i can't even smile at you.
and my mind was asking,
why did you even appear today?
i wish i didn't cry yesterday.
:(

i still miss you.

{ 12:54:00 AM }

Saturday, December 12, 2009.

君が居るから

「泣いたっていいんだよ」 君が不意にそう言ってくれたから
なんだか嬉しくて 涙じゃなく笑顔がこぼれた
不器用すぎる言葉で 君を傷つけてしまった
それでも離れたりしないで 今もこうして支えになってくれてるんだ
きっと…

叶えたい願い 叶えたい夢
届けたい 想いすべて
信じ続ける事が 奇跡を呼んで
未来に繋がってゆくよ
ずっと ねぇずっと 見守っていて欲しい
Dear My Friend

「君なら大丈夫だよ」 別れ際にそう言ってくれたから
感じてた孤独が その一言で綺麗になくなった
新しい扉を開く それは誰でも怖くて不安だらけだけど
背中を押してくれた君を 思い出せば力が溢れてくれるからね

素直な気持ち ゆずれないもの
正直な 言葉すべて
声にして伝えることが出来たなら 未来は広がってゆくよ
いつも そういつも 心に君が居るから
Dear My Friend

立ち止まっても 忘れそうになっても
何度も何度でも 前を向いてゆくと誓うよ
見上げた空 光が差し込んでいる
君に また会える日まで

素直な気持ち ゆずれないもの
正直な 言葉すべて
声にして伝えることが出来たなら 未来は広がってゆくよ
願い 叶えたい夢
届けたい 想いすべて
信じ続ける事が 奇跡を呼んで
未来に繋がってゆくよ
ずっと ずっと 見守っていて欲しい
Dear My Friend...

{ 11:27:00 AM }

ok, i have cried.
i am not going to cry anymore.
:DDDDDD

time to start forgetting about you already.

{ 1:42:00 AM }

Friday, December 11, 2009.

I still remember what Pst Meng shared in SOT last year.

He was so tired and went to Pst. Kong if he could go for a break. He thought that Pst Kong would sit him down and counsel him for hours, but Pst Kong did not. Instead he just said this thing to Pst Meng, "if you go, you will never come back."

That's why i will never dare to really let go of everything what's God have been putting in my life all these years... ministry, cg, friends... because i'm afraid that once i let go and break from all these, i will never go back, including God.

There are times i really feel like just rest and rest and rest and not do anything, telling my ldr that i need a break, but i never did. even till now there're still some lost passion... but i just slowly pick up bits and pieces once again to be stronger, a heart that's more ready for God to use.

:)

{ 4:25:00 PM }

I'm kinda SILLY.
yea?
:(

{ 2:09:00 PM }

my pay is in!!!!
Even though it's kinda little because of the bk holiday i went.
but im still happy that i have money now.
:)))

today was having MJ Live Unplugged. It's our zone youth's pre-xmas event... where the youths in our zone get the chance to sing and perform on stage. it was rather a relax and nice time, rather than outreach. enjoyed myself even though there were only me, gerald and sha who were there from our cg.

Anyway i can't wait for the various events that are coming up!!! Birthdaysss after birthdayssss, my birthday, xmas, zone appreciation, cg retreat....

:DDDDDDDDDDDD

i feel so heart pain to see you feeling so down.
how i wish i can be there to cheer you up...
how i wish that every words that i say you will smile...
how i wish we can joke and lame together again...

i really miss you so much.
that every single second,
im thinking of you.
thinking how are you now?

{ 1:33:00 AM }

Thursday, December 10, 2009.

I kinda miss you.
and you are always not there...

my babe told me not to,
but i still think of you not for anything more.

{ 12:45:00 AM }

Wednesday, December 09, 2009.

i stepped out already.
don't want to get involve in the same kind of thing again.
:D

{ 3:15:00 PM }

Monday, December 07, 2009.

i care...
until im totally too tired alrdy...

i don't think i actually need to do it.

{ 12:55:00 AM }

Sunday, December 06, 2009.

the silence.
it just hurts me.
when i really don't know what else to say.
from that moment on,
i can't help but thinking of you and her.
what has happened?
it scares me...
feel like crying.

because i really love and care for you friend.
but sometimes i feel we are so apart.
despite spending so much time together.
how many times had we shared things heart to heart.

i don't want to be a acquaintance,
but i want to be a good friend.

and it just hurts me even more when i think of this.
i want to care for my every single friends.
i want to know their lives.
yet i feel that im losing all these.
i feel that im losing the love.
people i really care are not sharing things with me.

so tired sometimes,
just wanting to think and care for everyone.
but i want to really care and love the people around me.

God,
fill me with more of Your love,
so that i can show more love to the people around me.

{ 1:16:00 AM }

Friday, December 04, 2009.

Okokkk.
Recently have been too lazy and busy to update my blog. I shall just update what's happening this few weeks.
:)

Back from bangkok last week. went there for 5 days, 23rd nov-25th nov! i really enjoy myself loads! i shall just share some interesting things there!

Firstly, i went there with 4 other people. i only know suee one person, the rest were her classmates. They are just fun and crazy people. So glad to know them.

Cecondly, We really love platinum mall so much that we walked in it everyday! hahaha! it was really huge to the extent that we could only finish shopping 2 levels in one day. but for the whole 5 days, we toured the whole mall twice!

Thirdly, i love the food there. spicy!! yummy~~~ hahaha! most of the time we had a heavy breakfast, skip lunch or just grabbed something to eat at the roadside stalls. we had fastfood for a few meals... KFC, A&W, Mac.... :D

Fourthly, we simply love the 7-11 there so much that we visit it every night and day. hahahah! Redbull, vodka, cupnoodles, seaweed chicken, milk were our favourite stuff there!

Yupyup.. i really spent much there. i spent a total of 600 plus over there.... faint! so broke now!
:DDDDDDDDDD but i love bkk!

<3

I have defered my studies in SIM to next intake at august alrdy. probably it's better as i will worry less for my financial status. The problem of working for about half a year already, i still haven't save a single bit of my salary. So i will continue working at NUS PGPR until probably june or july next year. I must learn how to save money and yet but all the things that i want!

Yesterday suee, ben and i went to support jason for his performance at PS. He was playing organ there.. really mesmerise me sia! so niceeeeeee~ first time seeing him play.... :D Then 4 of us went to watch twilight at The cathay. I think is really not nice.... and i couldnt catch the last train home at green line! :( but i enjoyed the fellowship loads!

a feeling that i myself dont get it.
Sometimes trying to deny it,
sometimes it comes strongly,
sometimes it disappear into the air.
you are not the kind of person that i really want.
criteria dont fits.
yet feeling still comes,
how bizzare!
so many around me,
this other person makes my heart melt too.

{ 10:57:00 PM }

Thursday, December 03, 2009.

傻瓜，我们都一样。。。

{ 12:29:00 AM }

Wednesday, December 02, 2009.

i miss you.

{ 1:57:00 AM }