Sunday, October 31, 2010.

But even when my visions seems blur and heart seems weighed down, I will look back to my God... my HOPE is in Him and Him only. :)

{ 10:18:00 AM }

Where have all my dreams & vision gone?
It's like i want to become this & that, but feeling & thinking that can i really do it?
Dreams seems far & unclear.
My dreams seems unachievable...

Maybe i have neglected on my spiritual life, emotions and thoughts have been attacked. Never have i feel so alone, especially during my exam period. I still smile, i still laugh, i still tell people that i love them, it still serve, i still do everything.. but recently i feel lonely, i wonder which friend is really with me? What if i feel that the close friends that i used to have are better than the friends i have now? Isn' it whenever a friend walks away from you, another better friend will come?

I begin to wonder why some people just get so much encouragement from the people around them. They are always surrounded by a same group of good friends (probably best friends) who never fail to encourage and spend time with one another so frequently. Where are mine? When you wish that the people whom you care will care for you as the same... but no... The best friend that i think is my best frien, really my best friend? because it seems like this person's heart is elsewhere and physically elsewhere too.

Well, too much of my ranting. BYE!
:)

{ 1:52:00 AM }

Tuesday, October 12, 2010.

Sometimes on the outside, you appear that you dont care because you are not supposed to care anymore... but you are still caring and concerning deep down in your heart...

but no point yea?

:)

{ 3:49:00 AM }

Monday, October 11, 2010.

I don't know who is reading my blog anymore... lol! blogger has been abandoned by so many people that i no longer can track my readers who are coming from nowhere.

"What you have now, you may lost it the next second. So treasure it with all you can first before it leaves you..."

"This friendship that only lasted 1/2 a year is never the same as any other friendships."

{ 3:57:00 AM }

Saturday, October 09, 2010.

Putting behind those urge to care, concern and encourage...
because everything doesn't worth it anymore...
:))

{ 2:20:00 AM }

Saturday, October 02, 2010.

Just before i head to bed sson, i feel like coming back here to write something. Dust has been growing on this blog, not much people have been coming here to read my blog too... I think it'll be nice to be active over here once again.

I think it's rather scary when i think about school. 2 months have past since the semester start, and exam is going to come in 3 weeks time. that's very very fast! just a blink of the eyes, everything's gone & everything's changed. Certan days, i will walk pass this neighbourhood primary school and thought to myself that it feels like it was just yesterday when i was in my primary school uniform, carry the heavy back walking from school to home. I would be 12 years old when i was doing that... and now i'm almost 23 years old.

Recently, this thinking just came to my mind... about friends, about the people we mix with. It's important to choose the right friends to be in your life, people that will stay alongside with you. People who are not just faithful, but spiritual too. Someone who's with you, someone who will walk in the same level of spirituality, someone who is able to bring you higher, someone who won't pull you down. This thought changes my lifestyle. I see the importance of choosing the right activities to do at the right time. I want someone who is my peer, someone whom i can share my life with. This makes me decide that i have to filter out some people & activities from my life. I still love the people, but i just won't choose give most of my time to them. I feel more liberated, i feel happier. I have more time to do the things that i want to do. I feel that these activities will bring me forward. And because of that, i start to have more time alone & i realised how i really enjoy solitude. Of course, i still love all the quality & fun time with many many friends.

Everyday seems to pass so quickly. It's about 6 months already. Things never got better, and probably i have given up most of the hopes already. We are out of each other lives. I'm getting used to the truth that i'm out of your life faster that you are out of my life. Somehow, it always hurt a little everytime when your have those little actions behind to try to force me to push you out of my life. You're succeeding. Our friendships has turned to a thin line which i almost couldn't see anymore. I'm telling myself everyday that do i know you before, and everyday im still questioning myself why does everything become this way. Yea, i have never gone through a day without thinking about all these things. But i'm not sad anymore.

Just like what Dr. AR Bernard had said, 'don't confuse movement with progressing.' I feel that i have been moving too much, but not progressing. I got weary easily. Visions aren't so clear to me. I begin to rearrange my lifestyle, my priority, my life.. do things that i want to do, learn things that i want to learn... i feel that i'm progressing once again. :D

{ 3:02:00 AM }