Wednesday, March 31, 2010.

Write on my tagboard la!

I know some people have been faithfully following my blog... PLEASE NAME YOURSELF ON MY TAGBOARD PLSSSSSS!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

{ 4:26:00 PM }

Sunday, March 28, 2010.

Afraid.

Cuddling up in my bed.
Hugging tight to my pillow.

I hope to tell you that's what i'm struggling.
but i'm not sure.

my mind wants to step out to do it,
but my heart is pondering.
God says i have to do this.
3 lives are in my hands.

Yes, I'm afraid.

{ 2:50:00 PM }

Friday, March 26, 2010.

I love my tuesday this week. choir prac & opm, one after another. ok, ya i going to sing for performance choir again! "All creatures of our God and King... bblah blah blah!" we just laughed and laughed during prac. especially the warm up exercise, we were giggling away because got one sexy lady in the midst of us.. wooohooo~ can see her *ahem* while we turn turn turn. LOL!

Next was opm, i really went there with a heart of wanting to receive something. i kept asking God to speak to me & touch me. yea!! i really felt that the whole opm was like for me. every word went into my heart. I cried out for God. God spoke to me, gave me advices and encouraged me.

Psalm 23 - “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

Matthew 6:33 - “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

That day... My best friend woke me up from a big & long sleep. i reached home at 3am and my cousin was there for me to talk to. haaaa!

I know i am rather stuck in this situation as being a cogl, afraid to take the step. i asked God how to continue doing this. God said that just start again from where i am. ok! i know i need to overcome this fear and move on from where i am now. i need to breakthrough in my relationship with my cgl also, get more closer to her. SIGH! I really got to take this small step, so that i can really move on from it and do more bigger things. I must act on it quick, if not i will forget about it and let it just passes me by...

Also, be more fervant in praying and reading the Bible! no matter how tired am i at the end of the day, i must do it. Put God first in my life once again!

Remind myself all these everyday!!!!

{ 4:37:00 PM }

Thursday, March 18, 2010.

Abundant Life Church - First Love

My highest call, My greatest cause
Is loving you
Your perfect love, has won my heart
Now I am Yours

Your sacrifice demands my life
I will live to honor
Your holy name, the price You paid
So I’ll sing

You’re my first love
You’re my true love
You’re my reason
You are why I breathe
I will give you my devotion
All of me, all of me

You chose the cross
You chose me
Surrendered Your life
You chose me
Though I did not deserve
You chose me

So I choose to love
Just as You chose me
I put You first
As You first loved me
I’ll treasure Your grace
As You died for me

{ 5:08:00 PM }

主每当我软弱无力, 你的恩典够我用.

It's been 2 weeks, i still haven't tell her anything. I still couldn't come to a decision on what is right for now.

On monday i stepped out to the altar call, and i really want to do it. I began to remember how hungry i was for the things of God when i just got saved. A life of consecration and sacrifice. I want to serve Him in His house, even if i got to sacrifice what i want to do outside. This is in my heart.

Right now, i have so much yet to overcome. I have been yearning for the breakthrough which have yet to come. i remember 2 weeks ago i went for a makeup cg. The cgl laid hands on me and prophesied that i'll have the breakthrough this year.

From today onwards, i got to keep reminding myself to really pray and read the word of God, the consecration and sacrifice that i have to make if want to have a more spiritual life. Yearn more of spiritual stuff and put away all distractions... After 6 years, i realise that walking real and right with God aren't really that easy anymore, especially keeping the fire and passion to continue burning. But He is already my life, i never want to give up.

This past week has been difficult... as in making the decision to throw away those thoughts and feelings. Sometimes i really feel like "stabbing" myself for all the thinking going on in my mind and all the awkwardness that has been happening. i am still trying to overcome it... It's not about the person, it's just about me that i must make a decision to stop letting this feeling distract me from my walk with God. I thank my babeeeesss, suee and rubez, who always encourage me and being there for me.. and all my close friends who keep me smiling and laughing... :DDDDD LOVE!

{ 3:27:00 PM }

Sunday, March 14, 2010.

silly me.
stop thinking and thinking.

{ 1:45:00 AM }

Thursday, March 04, 2010.

It have been year and months and weeks and days that got me thinking over and over again. I'm getting even more tired already. so tired and afraid.. really so afraid. Sometimes when thoughts and problems come, it just got me crying in my own bed alone.

The church and God that i have been holding on to for more than 6 years. The first 5 years was great. Although there was down times, the faith and fire got me through. I have seen myself grown. But this 1 year after graduation from SOT, everything went down. All the dreams, passion and fire seems to slow down. i keep trying to get it back and holding on to it. Last week, Pst kong just shared about the Holy Spirit and finding back the first love. I was crying out like never before for that love and passion back. I was touched. However the process of getting this first love back, it's not really that easy. SIGH! im still struggling after 1 year. I getting tired and i really feel like running away from all these. But church and God has been my life and everything for the past 6 years that i have nowhere to run to. it's like standing there lost, but you can only stay there because you got nowhere to go to. now i really need a break. yea, just a break... i need more time. i will not give up.

Can someone hold on to my hands and tell me that we will go through this together?

This weekend is rather a good getaway...

{ 9:28:00 AM }